and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
