I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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