if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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