Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize