just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
