I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
