I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I think I won the penis lottery.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
