dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
