Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
