I'm so fucking centered right now
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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