I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
