he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
