I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
