I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
