At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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