all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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