just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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