i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My butt remains clenched, sir.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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