i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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