can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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