Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
