spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
