Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
