I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
