If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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