got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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