I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
