Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
