we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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