I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
