i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
