Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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