The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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