I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
