your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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