I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
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Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
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You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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