you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
