If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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