I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
