A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My ass is underappreciated
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
