3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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