I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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