i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
