so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
