why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
