dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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