i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
