she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Randomize
