So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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