It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
