she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
