As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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