New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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