The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
