ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
