Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
