Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
