If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
